I felt helpless
My sweet tiny blessing, my fourth child, was ten days old. He screamed. Every touch to attempt to sooth him, only made him shriek louder as if he were in pain. I took his temp and called the doc.
In every attempt to help this mama stay unpaniced, my doctor came in and without even looking over this fragile life, he told me of my plans for the day.
There would be a nurse waiting for me in the ER
We would have some exhaustive testing, and be transported to the closets Children’s hospital either by ambulance or helicopter.
You see, at 10 days old it was not common for an infant to have such a fever. There was speculation of meningitis.
Grandparents came and got older children, and prayed. Friends tried to come and pray but were turned away, as they had small children at home that they did not want to expose to any dangerous situations.
The last, very delicate test needed to be done with us outside of the room.
So, there we prayed. My husband and I and our pastor. As we were praying the doctor came and informed us that he did well in the testing progress. They would know an answer very soon, but he had this look of full sorrow as he told us the fluid in our son’s spine was not clear. He wanted to prepare us for what may come with those results.
So, in that cold waiting room….
I gave my son’s life to The Lord.
The very one who created him
The only one who could heal him
The one to whom all glory can be given
“Trust in The Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understaning; in all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)
I asked God for a miracle
To save the life of my newborn son. Or, to show me how to glorify God through the loss of his life if He chose to take him.
I remember God asking me if I would still give Him the glory if He chose to take my baby.
Though it was one of the hardest prayer conversations I have had, I resolved to lay down my life, and the life of my child for the purpose of God’s grand purpose.
My own understanding as I nursed my infant son, wondering if it would be the last time, was so limited.
That doctor looked so somber.
So certain of the diagnosis that was to come.
Then it came….
That doctor, confused, bewildered and a bit taken back. The test came back negative. He was sure it would not.
He just looked at me and said, “The only thing I can think of is that it is because you all prayed”.
That boy turns 9 this year.
He is fierce in his faith
Deep in his love for others
God will be glorified, all the days of his life, because we prayed.